i’m depressed depressed depressed! it’s okay. i’m just so sad and unmotivated and angry and self-loathing. i never want to leave the house. my anxiety is worse than usual. i don’t want to move or leave my bed pretty much ever, and all i want to do is watch videos and eat. eat a LOT.
i’m frustrated because obviously i’m aware that i’m depressed and i’m aware i can’t really do anything about it except try really hard to stay positive and know that this will pass soon enough if i don’t let myself wallow. wallowing is where i, personally, just start getting sucked down into the vortex of depression.
i’ve been this way for a few weeks now and it’s just - it feels like it will never end.
mom thinks i need something to look forward to.
but i don’t really have a future??? i don’t know. i like my job, i have the world’s best job, but i’m still not happy or fulfilled. i have people who love me and friends who care about me and i’ve got privilege out the wahoo but i’m still not satisfied with life.
i have no idea what i’m looking for.
i’m pretty sure this is just one of those things, one of those mood swings, one of those bad moments, but you know.
if i seem kind of off, that’s why.
I’m okay though! It’s not seriously bad, it’s just been mediocrely bad for longer than i’m used to. bleh.